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Samantha; The Story of a Girl (Critique Appreciated)

 
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Bratterratt



Joined: 07 Jul 2008
Posts: 7533

PostPosted: Sun Oct 31, 2010 7:44 pm    Post subject: Samantha; The Story of a Girl (Critique Appreciated) Reply with quote

Samantha; The Story of a Girl

Written by Bratterratt

[Author's Note: This story is not entirely fictional. There really was a girl named Samantha and she did live an adventurous child hood. Some of the names, dates, places, and exact facts have been altered to better fit the plot, but all in all... this story is true.]

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Chapter One

The sun had just begun to peek over the horizon, sending its warm rays across the farmland valley. A brilliantly colored rooster crowed impatiently from the coop where he sat amongst the plump pleasantly clucking hens, his bright plumage catching the morning light. The mangy mutt farm dog trotted out of the barn, his wiry-haired tail swinging back and forth with each stride.

Samantha stretched and sat up in bed, blinking against the sunlight that poured in through the bedroom window. It looked like it would be another hot autumn day. Sammy threw off her warm covers and swung her feet over the edge of the old bed that she shared with her older sister Bunny. Bunny was seventeen years old and the teacher at the little one room school house where all of the children did their studies.

Sammy hurried to pull on her thick white stockings and slipped her faded blue school dress over her head. Carefully tying the bow at the back, she skipped energetically over to the single paned window. Outside, the farm chores were already underway. She could just see her brother Timothy leading the bony old milk cow out to pasture and her father hauling a wheelbarrow full of hay across the yard.

Samantha let out a deep exhale, then tugged the heavy flower-print curtains shut. Hurrying over to the mirror that hung above the dresser, the young girl yanked the wooden comb through her thick shoulder-length brown hair and tied it up sloppily with a matching blue ribbon. Setting the comb atop the dresser, Sammy skipped down the stairs, narrowly avoiding a collision with the family cat that was dozing on the bottom step.

The smell of fresh bread was wafting deliciously from the kitchen; Mother had been baking. Sammy stopped to snatch her leather boots from the door mat and pulled them on before beginning on the impossibly complicated laces.

“Samantha Johnson! You get in here right now and eat your breakfast.”

The girl winced and kicked herself inside for not being quieter. After making a face to herself, Sammy trudged into the kitchen, purposefully stomping her feet a little harder than necessary. Plopping down on one of the kitchen chairs, she slouched rebelliously, eyeing the plate of eggs before her resentfully. She half considered stuffing it in her pockets when Mother wasn’t looking and feeding it to the cat, but finally with sigh, Sammy picked up her fork, having lost the battle.

Once she put her mind to it, her plate was cleared in less than five minutes and Samantha bounded outside, running to the chicken coop, leaving the screen door to slam behind her. Her chore was to gather the eggs and on any normal day, she wouldn’t have minded it so much.

Samantha crawled skillfully into the chicken coop, placing her steps carefully so as not to pick up anything on the bottom of her shoe. The hens scattered from beneath the girl’s feet as she ducked into the hen house. Several of the fat birds sat in the nest boxes, clucking absently amongst themselves. Sammy stepped from box to box, digging about the straw to find the smooth brown speckled eggs.

The chore passed quickly without much incident and Sammy hurried back to the house, with each of the eggs tucked safely in one of her faded skirt folds. Swinging through the door, she handed the eggs each one by one carefully to Mother who waited expectantly by the kitchen door. Mother paused a moment, amusement flickering across her face, eggs clasped like a balancing act in her hands.

“Okay. Go get your books and run along.”

Freed, Samantha bounded upstairs to retrieve her school books from the bedroom, a victorious smile dawning on her face. The small stack of books sat at the foot of her bed, scattered hap-hazardly across the wood floor. Sammy hurried to pick them up and with the literature clutched in her arms, the girl flew from the house and out to the dusty road.

Reaching the edge of the fence, Samantha stood at the road side, looking up and down the dirt drive, her eyes scanning the distance. Ah, there. Up the road a ways, a small figure approached, bright red ponytails bouncing with each step.

Samantha waited as patiently as one could, sliding her feet absently through the grimy dust. The girl walking on the road was Sammy’s best friend, Candy Maples. She lived up the road nearly a mile and each morning they would walk together to the little brick schoolhouse. Of course, that’s what they had done last year.

“Hi Candy,” –Samantha called as soon as the other girl came close enough to be heard. Candy paused, waving her arms in greeting before breaking into a run. Finally she came to a stop before Sammy, breathing hard, her freckled face flushed.

“Come on! We’d better hurry, or Bunny’ll make us write sentences,” –Samantha reasoned seriously, as she was very familiar with that particular punishment.

Candy nodded grimly, pursing her lips, her beautiful strawberry pigtails bobbing up and down. Samantha had always been jealous of those ponytails, but instead had been stuck with her own dark tangles. Now she glanced at them enviously, before turning her mind sensibly to other things.

“Well, let’s go,” –Sammy urged again, taking Candy’s hand and beginning to pull her down the road. They would have to walk almost a mile, but at least the weather was nice and they had each other’s company.

And so, the two girls, still holding hands, skipped down the stretching road, kicking up dust behind them.

[This is Chapter One. If more is wanted, I'll be glad to post. Critique is welcome!]
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shaggydoggy



Joined: 30 Jun 2009
Posts: 15113

PostPosted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 6:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bratterrat! Buddy!Smile

I love your storey. Simply amazing. Keep going!
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Bratterratt



Joined: 07 Jul 2008
Posts: 7533

PostPosted: Fri Mar 18, 2011 4:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[Next chapter, in case anyone's interested?]

Chapter Two

It didnt take long before the girls trotted into the tiny picket fenced school yard, singing one of the playful chants all of the children knew. They arrived just in time to see Bunny standing by the school house door, calling everyone inside.

Samantha was careful to avoid her sisters gaze as she hurried up the steps knowing it would only be met with a disapproving frown. Bunny was always so perfect with an ironed dress and her sleek dark hair pulled tightly up like the adult she was soon to be.

Sammy drew in a breath and took a seat at her little wooden desk, running her hands across her lap in a vain attempt to rid the faded fabric of wrinkles brought on by a bout of self consciousness. The anciently polished surface of her desk was a flurry of intricate carvings that had been etched into it by distracted students in the previous years. Admitantly, Samantha had added a few of her own on occasion when her wandering mind had permitted it.

The unexpected sound of Bunnys hands clapping together made the children start and scurry like little mice to their seats. The start of the school day had officially started and right on the hour, as always. Samantha resisted the urge to roll her eyes and perhaps wisely so. Her elder sister had a theory about order. What that theory was, Sammy didnt rightly know, but obviously it was important to Bunny.

This was evident by the way the class was run and studies taught. The boys sat on the left side of the room, the girls on the right. A little brass clock hung exactly in the middle of the wall and each of the books on Bunnys desk were stacked to the same height. Even the items inside the drawers were organized to the upmost neatness, from the wooden pencils to the silver paper clips. It was absolutely ridiculous. Or at least, that was Samanthas way of thinking.

Bunny cleared her throat as soon as everyone was seated and lifted a leather bound book from one of the neat stacks on her desk, carefully adjusting the rest of the books back to their original position. Absolutely ridiculous. Sammy turned to shoot Candy a knowing glance, but the other girl was too busy twirling those perfect pigtails around her finger as she stared dopily across the room at Thomas McClain. Now, that was something Samantha did not understand.

Ever since the beginning of the school year, Candy had been completely enthralled with that boy. He was nearly two grades above them, being almost fourteen years old and yet whenever his name was even mentioned, she acted utterly absurd. The pigtail twirling was a good example of this. Samantha faked a gag. Why would any girl, in her right mind, act like that over a boy? They werent anything special.

Sammy looked up suddenly, realizing that she had been sidetracked while Bunny announced the pages to be looked over in their readers. Sneaking a side glance at the girls desk next to her, Samantha quickly turned to the page assigned, as if she had been listening all along. With a soft sigh, she resignedly turned her focus to the school work ahead.

Math, history, science; it all seemed to crawl by at an agonizing pace. The square root of 64, the first president of the states, the makeup of a cell; it was enough to make Samanthas head hurt. She had never felt so thankful for lunch break when Bunny finally clapped her hands a second time to signal that the children could close their books and return the finished papers to the teachers desk.

Samantha scooted her chair back, creating a chilling grating sound against the wooden floor. Joining the line of students, she was one of the last to slide her sheet of paper onto the pile. About to turn away and join the others outside, something at the corner of the desk caught her eye. It was a little glass bottle of black ink, placed atop a book with a maroon cover.

As the thought entered her mind, Sammy knew it wasnt exactly right, but it sure would make her feel better. Taking a quick glance at Bunny, who was bent over, examining a stack of papers, Samantha slowly reached out and slipped the bottle into a fold in her dress, careful not to spill. With her heart beating unusually hard against her chest, she turned quickly on her boot heel and walked hurriedly from the school house, jumping from step to step as she went out the door.

Candy was already waiting at their usual shady spot underneath the old willow tree, her legs folded in a lady-like manner beneath the dark green skirt of her dress. Samantha made her way over, dodging a pair of boys game of catch, before plopping on the grassy ground beside her best friend.

Sammy, wheres your lunch? Candy asked inquisitively, unwrapping her own neatly packed sandwich.

Samantha paused, her mind scrambling a little out of order for a minute.

Oh, I left it in my desk.

Pulling to her feet, the girl hurried back inside, knowing very well that she had forgotten her lunch at home. Her hand immediately went inside to her pocket to finger the ink bottle as she entered the little wooden building. Bunny, now perched outside, keeping an eye on the others, was blissfully unaware of Samanthas reentrance and that was exactly how it needed to be.

Sammy tiptoed across the class room until she stood before a desk that was not her own. Her free hand fingered the initials carved into the top. T.M. Stupid ole Thomas McClain. Quietly pulling the bottle from her skirt folds, she tipped it experimentally over the matching chair that paired with the desk. A thick black drop of the goopy liquid slipped from the neck of the bottle, followed by the rest. Once the ink was thoroughly distributed, Samantha stepped back with a satisfactory smirk.

Concealing the now empty bottle back in her dress, Sammy bounced from the school house, holding back a chuckle at the thought of how the ink would look against the seat of Thomas light brown trousers. It was sure to be hysterical.

Returning to the waiting Candy, Samantha opened her mouth to explain the absence of her lunch, but was quickly cut off.

I know, I know. You dont need to tell me. You forgot it. Again, Candy tsked, her lips pursed tightly together. Samantha shrugged her shoulders before sitting and taking the half of a sandwich the other girl offered her. Taking a bite, she chewed slowly with anticipation, willing the lunch hour to pass quickly.

Luckily, it wasnt long before Bunny stood and began calling the children back inside the school house. Samantha and Candy made their way through the white washed door, to their desks along with the rest of the reluctant students.

Slipping into her seat, Sammy looked quickly around for Thomas, without much luck. Just as Bunny stood to begin class, two boys tromped in late, their footsteps hard and hollow on the floor. They were Thomas McClain and his friend Benjamin Buckley, who most everyone just called B.B. The two couldnt be more different in appearance. Thomas was a tall, wiry boy with sandy blonde hair and light hazel eyes. B.B., on the other hand, was a short, stout kid with a greasy dark mop atop his head and equally dark, squinty eyes. B.B. was also one of the few boys in the ninth grade with a sparse, yet visible, sprinkling of stubble around his mouth and on his chin; something he was very proud of.

Its good of you two to join us. Please take your seats, Bunnys words were disapproving and warning, enough to keep the boys silent as they hurried to sit down.

Samantha watched Thomas face, with delight, as he sat down hard in his chair. At first his expression was one of a quizzical nature, but as he reached underneath himself to feel the seat, it changed to complete horror. Sammys hand shot up to clasp around her mouth, smothering the noise that threatened to burst from her lungs. It was perfect.

Fighting to pull herself under control, Samantha cleared her throat and turned her gaze to Bunny, who had began a lengthy lecture on the subject of geography, though continued to sneak glances over at the bewildered Thomas. A break in Bunnys lesson, however, quickly caught Sammys attention.

Mr. McClain, please come up and point out New Zealand on the map.

It was too good to be true. Again, Samantha had to choke back her
laughter as the reddening Thomas slowly pulled himself to his feet and started towards the front of the room. The boys started to snicker and the girls were all giggling hilariously by the time he reached the map. Sam couldnt help herself any longer either and joined in the chorus.

Obviously, this confused Bunny and she immediately shushed the children, looking around for the source of the outburst. Thomas obediently identified the correct color on the map hung by the chalkboard, then hurried to return to his seat. Bunnys eye caught the wet black stain on Thomas trousers as he turned and quickly called him back. Retrieving a handkerchief from her desk, the young teacher, with one hand on the boys shoulder, turned to the class.

Thomas and I will be stepping outside for a moment. As for the rest of you, I had better not hear so much as a peep from in here. Im very disappointed in all of you and until I hear a confession, I will be instituting my own punishment to every one of you, Bunny spoke coldly, disdainfully, to the now silent students. Without another sound, she led Thomas outside, closing the door forcefully behind her.

As soon as the door swung shut, the children whispered to each other and several subdued giggles could be heard. As for Samantha, all of the joy she had felt moments before had disappeared and was replaced with astonished disappointment. Punishment? What would that be? Maybe this hadnt been such a great idea after all. Guilt twinged at the edge of her conscious, but there was no way she was going to confess to pouring the ink on Thomas chair. That would only get her into deeper trouble.

After a time, Bunny and Thomas returned, though not much had been done for the ink stain on the boys britches. The students knew better than to laugh now, though, because Miss Bunny was mad and she let everyone know it. For the remaining class time, the children were made to write an essay on kindness towards others. Writing about treating each other with respect only made the sick feeling in Sammys stomach worse. This was not good. Not good at all.

When they were finally dismissed for the day, Samantha left the school building very quietly, lost in her own thoughts. It wasnt until her and Candy were a ways down the dusty road that a word was spoken between then.

Do you wanna go down to the creek? We could check and see if those tadpoles have hatched yet, Candy suggested in an attempt to pull Sammy out of her sullen state.

Samantha didnt answer for a moment, as she kicked a large flat stone along the road side.

Might as well, I guess. Itll get me out of chores for a little while anyway, Sammy replied giving the rock one last powerful kick as it skittered off into the thick weeds.

With that, the girls turned off the beaten road and down ingrown trail, making their way towards their little creek.

[Critique is appreciated! Let me know if anyone wants the next chapter...]
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Heather



Joined: 28 Nov 2006
Posts: 5915

PostPosted: Fri Mar 18, 2011 8:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's good! Keep going!
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