Racing Against Time (Critique Appreciated)

[Bratterratt]

Racing Against Time


Written by Bratterratt

Prologue:
Up in the snowy mountain village of Barrow, Alaska, several of the finest sled dog teams are relocating. Here, in the secluded Alaskan range, they will train, prepare, and ready themselves for the greatest race of the year; the Iditarod.

But it is not going to be all fun and games. They have three months to whip their teams into shape and scope out the competition.

There are things they have to worry about though. Living in a log cabin, they will face frost bite, blizzards, wolf packs, grizzly bears, and whatever else nature can throw their way.

They'll be lucky to make it out alive...
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Chapter One: Living

The first golden rays of the late morning sun split through the icy mountain air, lighting the thick Alaskan forests with their light. An unseen bird whistled from its perch in a snow covered pine and a red chestnut squirrel scampered up the twisted trunk of a weathered paper birch tree. Though they were nowhere in sight, signs of larger wildlife were evident throughout the mountain range, varying from caribou to black bears, with everything in between.

Nestled against the mountain side and practically hidden amongst the forest sat a tiny log cabin, ashy grey smoke curling from the pipe chimney. A lean-to shed was built against one side, a single door at its center tied shut with a braided leather cord. Soft yawns and rustling could be heard coming from inside, the team waking up.

The cabin door swung open and the twenty-six year old Russian, Hannah Vasilevich stepped out into the biting cold, clothed in a heavy skinned coat and thick fur gloves. Her dark auburn hair was tied up clumsily and her pale skin immediately flushed at the frigid temperature. The handle to a large stainless steel bucket was clutched tightly in one gloved hand, swinging back and forth as the woman stepped out onto the ground, the icy snow crunching beneath her boots.

As if on cue, a chorus of eager barks and whines began as Hannah approached the shed door. A wry smile turned the corners of her mouth upwards at the sound as she pulled the leather latch loose. The slightly crooked plywood door swung open, letting light into the dim shed. A thick bed of straw covered the ground inside and the team’s sled sat in one corner, covered by a canvas tarp.

The six dogs that made up the team were each tethered to the back wall, tails wagging furiously at the thought of breakfast. Hannah stepped inside quickly and closed the door behind her, cutting of the freezing breeze that whistled through the mountain forest. She hoisted the bucket up into her arms, which was piled with thawed slabs of red meat stripped from a moose carcass, and began to distribute the meal.

Juneau was first to accept her portion, her red mahogany pelt catching a few shards of light that sprinkled from between the few gaps in the boards. The female Siberian husky was the lead dog who ran at the front of the team and kept the others in order.

A large grey malamute lay in the straw, next in line. Bear’s shaggy tail thumped loudly on the ground and with a low groan, he pulled himself to his feet to retrieve the meal tossed before him. Hannah paused a moment to run her hand through his fur before tossing a piece of meat to the next dog.

Akyla snatched the meat up before it hit the ground, her ears pinned back against her delicate head. The strawberry brindle Siberian husky was smaller than average, but ran directly behind Juneau at the front of the sled. Always one for trouble, a throaty growl rumbled from her throat as her neighbor dog eyed the meat she was so quickly devouring.

The stocky sorrel Finnish spitz appropriately named Spitz returned the growl with a nasty snarl of his own before turning to his own slab, hungry like the rest of the team. Hannah shot disapproving looks at the two squabbling canines and then moved along the line.

A fluffy white Canadian Eskimo dog sat patiently, her wedge shaped face peering up expectantly at her master, tail swishing back and forth across the straw. Hannah stooped down and took a moment to rub behind Keiko’s ears before dropping the dog’s meal at her feet.

With only one dog left, the job was almost finished and Hannah stood looking over the last member of the team. It was Kodiak, the energetic Alaskan husky who was barely two years old. The young dog hopped in place, his tail thwacking the shed wall as he tugged against the chain that kept him tethered to the wall. Kodiak whined loudly, followed by a series of short, excited barks.

“Alright, alright,” –Hannah murmured, emptying the remaining contents of the bucket before the impatient husky. Kodiak didn’t waste a moment before leaping to his breakfast, just as each of the others had done.

Hannah stood a moment, examining the team carefully, her hazel eyes resting on each dog in turn. Satisfied that the team was in good condition, the young Russian woman turned and exited the shed, hanging the steel bucket on a rusty hook before latching the door behind her. She pulled the coat tighter around herself, her breath clouding the air before her.

With a sigh, Hannah trudged slowly towards the cabin, quickening her step at the thought of the warmth it held. Hurrying to the door, she closed it hard behind her after kicking her boots free of the snow.

The cabin was a small one, with one room and a small loft. A bed sat in the corner with a heavy wooden chest beside it for her basic belongings. A woodstove was placed on the other wall, for cooking and heating, next to the simple wooden sink that didn’t work half the time due to frozen pipes. A pile of wood was stacked neatly near the stove, stocked high. The only other piece of furniture was an antique rocking chair propped against the foot of the bed, an old patchwork quilt folded in its seat. Above the door, hanging on several wooden pegs, was a simple rifle. It was old and covered in a thin layer of dust, but always there; just in case.

Hannah peeled of her coat and tossed it absently onto the rough wooden floor next to her boots. She batted a frizzy piece of hair from her face before carefully shoving another piece of kindling into the stove’s dwindling flames. Taking the time to bank the coals, she finally stood brushing her hands together.

There were things to be done, as always, and even more today. She needed to make a trip into the village. Supplies were running low and the train would be bringing a new addition to the team any day now. Besides, the dogs were growing anxious.

A mere thirty minutes later, a burlap sack was packed with the day’s supplies and Hannah began to suit up for the cold yet again. Swinging the bag over her shoulder, the young woman checked the fire before leaving the cabin, latching the door as she went.

The process of preparing the sled and dogs was not a hard one, but it did take time. Hannah dragged the sled from the shed and out in front of the cabin. Unhooking the dogs, she kept an eye on them before returning to retrieve the harness.

Juneau trotted out onto the snowy ground, her head up and ears pricked with curiosity. The others bounded out behind her, scattering around the little cabin area, eager to be free even if it was only for a little while.

Bear was the last one out, his steps long and slow, though his tail thumped methodically in a content expression. He grunted softly and then lay down near the sled, not really one for exploring; he preferred to watch.

Several harsh growls drew the attention over to the front of the cabin and Juneau bristled in frustrated annoyance. Akyla and Spitz stood towards each other, ears laid back, teeth bared viciously. An occasional snarl would burst from one of the challengers, as they faced one another.

Juneau let a demanding growl tear from her chest as she moved over to where her two team mates stood. Both dogs wilted a little at approach from the dominant husky, but didn’t retreat entirely.

Again the Siberian husky snarled, this time with more force, towering over the other two menacingly.

Akyla clacked her jaws dangerously close to Spitz’ muzzle, but then obediently turned away, a haughty expression on her dainty brindle face. The Finnish spitz quivered with fury, though didn’t dare to counter with Juneau so close. Scuffing, he turned on his haunches and trotted towards where Hannah was hitching up the harnesses.

The young woman looked up from where she was working, frowning slightly. Drawing in a breath, she whistled to the team, calling them in so they could be strapped to the sleigh. The dogs trotted in obediently, though reluctant to relinquish their freedom so soon.

Hannah took each dog, one by one, by their collar and harnessed them in their designated places; Juneau at the front, then Akyla and Spitz, with Bear and Keiko nearest to the tracks. Kodiak, though strong, would stay behind for now. He wouldn’t be able to run with the team until the new dog arrived and as was natural, Kodiak resented being left behind.

As soon as the dogs were hitched, Hannah tethered the unhappy Kodiak to a log on the cabin. The young Alaskan husky whined pathetically and tugged at the chain, begging to be taken along. The woman didn’t have time to sympathize though and hurried over to the waiting team.

Checking the sled over one last time, once satisfied, Hannah stepped onto the runners at the back of the sleigh. They would need to hurry to the village, if they were to get back before dark.

[Kinda long, but that's all of Chapter One. It's based on an RPG I started when I was active here! I'm looking for critique! Tell me what you think! Don't worry about offending me!]

Bratt

[Fire Opal]

As much as I enjoy your writing, there are a few things I'd like to go over, if you don't mind.

1. It seems to be missing a real plot/action. If it were to be published, someone picking it up might just as soon put it down, finding nothing immediately interesting.
2. The description of feeding the dogs is somewhat lengthy. This ties in to what I said above; it might be better to shorten that part and make room for more "meat" for the story.
3. Not really a writing critique, I just noticed you said the dogs slept in a shed. From what I have read/watched, sled dogs are generally kept chained outside. It's up to you how the story goes, though.
4. I think some more background is needed... Human characters easily fall flat without anything behind them. The "average" or "normal" character does not improve a story much. This could be applied to the dogs also, if you feel so inclined.

I would be happy to discuss this further. I'm also looking to be a fiction writer and it would be nice to talk about the subject with you. =D

[Bratterratt]

I really agree about the first impression thing. The first chapter is boring, and I'm trying to find a way to improve it, and yet still introduce the characters with as much detail as possible.

This is a new style of writing for me, so it's nice to get critique. I prefer to write fantasy, but I decided to write this as more realistic and found it to be boring, though I'm enjoying writing it.

I've done a little study and have put that in my story. I didn't think it would matter where the dogs slept, but maybe if it seems unrealistic, I may change it.

The one thing that I really like about this story is that before I began writing, I took the time to sit down and completely write out the personality to my characters. Unfortunately, my main character is kind of "average". I've become fond of my other characters (which are introduced in chapter 2), but I agree that Hannah is a little flat.

I really don't know where this one will go. I may just turn back to my original style of writing. But I guess I'll just have to wait and see!

Thanks for taking the time to read it!

[Fire Opal]

Sure! I think it's important to try different genres/styles (that's what I hear from published writers), but I also think everyone has his/her own favorite thing.

What I also think is important is to have at least a basic plot, from the beginning to the end of the story. I find they never get done without one. x(

If you feel like you're getting nowhere on this story, I say just scrap it and start another one that you're really going to fall in love with. By the way, just out of curiosity, what fantasy do you write? Animal/human?

[Bratterratt]

Oooh, I write whatever fantasy happens to come to mind! Human lately has captured my interest, I seem to find it fascinating.

What about you? What do you write?

[SomebodyDude]

I agree with Opal on everything except the chained outside part. lol, some people keep their dogs in sheds or in the accual rp we had here mine were in an old barn. It's really just up to if you have a shed or barn or if you don't or how close to the accual race it is

Also! I have meaning to PM you Bratt to see if I could re open the Sled dogs rp? I just have been too lazy/busy to get around to it.

[Fire Opal]