Endless Ice [A little violent]

[Cowgirls Rule]

I wrote this story. Please critque it. Thanks!

His breath steamed up the frosty air as he galloped along the ice. The dampness of the air dragged his matted fur down. He was running for his life. A dagger made of ice slashed his paw. He scampered along, the ice dulling his pain a tid bit. No birds sang, no sounds emerged from this wintery land. Not a peep was heard, an erie silence rang throughout the kingdom of ice. He was a loner, fobidden to ever walk this land again. From nowhere, howls errupted the silence. They were on his tail, literally on his tail. They circled him, cutting off any exits. The wolves parted to let thier leader through, Cumalon, a sleek black wolf with a ripped ear and partly chewed tail.

"Say your last words loner," he snarled mockingly.

With that Cumalon attacked the loner, jaws locked around his neck. The last thing the loner saw was the jeering faces of the pack and the base of Cumalon's tail. Cumalon had bitten into the loner's jugular vein and ripped the fur and flesh off. The tang of blood flooded into his mouth. The loner slid to the ground, limp. A heap of matted fur in the middle of a bleak ice land.

It's not quite finished, but tell me what you think about it.

[Chloe Taylor]

I like it!

[Cowgirls Rule]

Thanks! I wrote the original a while ago, but then I lost it. This one was the original and spur of the moment mixed.

[Chloe Taylor]

kewl!

[Cowgirls Rule]

Cumalon padded away from the furry mass and turned around. He made a b-line back to camp. His mission had been acomplished, only there was only one more thing to do. He ran back over to the mass and pushed it into the chilly water.

He brust through the barrier to camp and halted in front of everyone. It was time for part two of plan A.

"I'm sorry everyone, but Trenan, my brother, threw himself off a edge and drowned before I could do anything," Cumalon annouced.

He had always dispised his younger brother and now he had disposed of him. Trenan had always been a nusiance, poking around in Cumalon's buisness.

That was the rest of chapter 1. More to come.

[Little Red]

Can you write the rest? I hate it when stories don't have any endings!

[Cowgirls Rule]

I seem to have writers block right now. I'll try and write more tomorrow. I'm glad you like it though.

[Chloe Taylor]

Oh can I help? PM me and I'll see if I can add!

[Cowgirls Rule]

Sure. Here's some more:


Cumalon rolled his eyes at the thought of pretending to have loved his younger brother. He couldn't belive he had kept a straight face when he lied in front of his whole pack. He was proud of himself for finshing his life goals list. The last goal was now checked off, kill Trenan, and was gone from his brain forever.

"Ahh, finally, peace and quiet without Trenan bothering me," Cumalon sighed gleefuly.

His brain whizzed with new ideas of how to rid of the next person to threaten his thrown. They were all sinister and evil, but lacking in common sense. Someone would eventually find Trenan's carcass, or find tufts of his fur between Cumalon's claws and teeth.

"But no one will think I killed him, they'll think I grabbed him and he tore away from my grip and jumped off the cliff," Cumalon reasured himself.

He was sitting alone in his den, or so he thought. One of Trenan's best friends was sitting in a dark corner, and had heard what Cumalon had just said. He was devastated, how could Cumalon do such a thing? What had Trenan done to him? Trenan had just been a little curious, and it wasn't like he did anything to threaten Cumalon's hold on the throne.

[Chloe Taylor]

I PMed you another part of the story!

[Cowgirls Rule]

Okay! Thanks!

[Chloe Taylor]

Glad I could help!

[Little Red]

Is there any more? (I'm an addict to reading lol)

[Cowgirls Rule]

lol.I'll type up more soon. I'm really tired right now.

[Chloe Taylor]

when are ya gonna make more? your story has inspired me to make my own! My story already has five chapters!