A story I wrote...

[ChocolateGal]

Here's something I put together for a story competition, Do you think it is okay?:

“Welcome to my blog. I have no idea where this is going, if it’s going anywhere at all. I’ve got stuff to say, but at the moment, I’m still trying to decipher how if going to say it.” Jem’s heart was beating furiously while she typed, but outside, everything was silent. You see, Jemima was deaf, after a plane crash where she lost her hearing and her mother, Claudia. But now, they had finally moved to a new suburb where her father, Rick, could find work – being a carpenter. After hours on her computer, she was revisiting all her old sites and editing the profile of her own site “Deafly Speaking” to match her feeling after moving houses. Jem was a fan of internet blog spots and enjoyed the company of her online friends. Although, with moving houses comes a price and Jem had to start a new high school.

Rick came into the kitchen, covered in sawdust.
“Jem!” he yelled and waved his arms to get her attention, he then began to use sign language. “I want you to come into the workshop” She followed him out into the back garden with the yellow grass and the dead and dying plants to the shed out the back, commonly known as the ‘workshop’. She stepped through the rust colored doors and into the pine smelling room where a wooden sculpture of Jem’s mum was standing proud and tall. Jem looked over at Rick, and saw his eyes were filled with tears.
“It’s beautiful,” Jem gasped, as she was still able to talk after the fatal plane crash. “It’s just like her in every aspect,” she continued.
“I wanted to dedicate the garden to her,” Rick signed, “Filled with her paintings and favourite plants.” He strolled over to Jem and put his arm around her shoulders whispering, “Everything will be alright Jem, just you watch.” Though Jem was oblivious to the speaking, she could sense this. Together, they just stood and observed the sculpture, the bright eyes, the huge smile and the proud stance.

It was Jem’s first day of her new high school, Marion’s High. Rick drove her in the ute to school. “Don’t worry Jem,” he signed, “You’re strong, I named you after your great - great grandmother Jemima Jenkins who owned 9000 acres of land and this school will be a knock over.”
“Thanks Dad,” Jem said and hopped out of the car and walked to the rusty gates. The school was fairly noisy and there was graffiti everywhere. As she moved up to the classroom she was in, a young woman, of about 30, beckoned her over. “My name is Ms. Appleby. I’m you teacher. Would you like to say a speech about yourself?” Reluctantly, Jem nodded.

Jem stood in front of the class. Most of the teenagers had their feet on the desks. A paper airplane flew over her head and she began to speak.
“Hi there, my name is Jemima Mitcham, and I am 14 years old. I enjoy going onto the internet and gardening. Last year I was in a plane crash where I lost my hearing,” she paused. “I have a notebook to talk to you with and I can understand sign language. I hope we can be friends.” She saw the class clap and roll their eyes. She moved over to the spare desk in the corner next to a girl with bright blue eyes and a cheery smile. To Jem’s amazement, the girl signed hello.
“My name is Tracy. I have something wrong with me too, I have cancer.” Jem stared at the girl. Tracy replied, “My aunt’s deaf, I’ve been learning for a while…” Jem nodded and sat down next to Tracy and looked around the classroom. Everyone’s faces were turned to her and Tracy. Ms Appleby was standing at the front of the class writing on the board. “Can you lip read Jem?”
“I’ll try,” Jem said.

Jem had also met Tracy’s other friend Maddy, who spent her time in a wheelchair because of her broken back. She was picking up sign language very quickly from Tracy. In the last lesson, the cool guy, named Andre went to talk to Jem. All the other kids hung around him as he was the cool guy, but he rejected anyone who was different.

He walked up to Jem and Tracy. “Hey you… ‘disabled’ people.” He glared at the two as Tracy quickly translated. Maddy swiveled up and behind them and gave a fierce look at Andre. “You leave them alone” she said, “Or I’ll tell them about your dad.” Andre went silent at Maddy’s remark and shuffled back to his desk. Jem leaned over to Maddy and asked, “What’s wrong with his dad?” Maddy said and Tracy translated. “He’s got dementia.” Jem’s eyes widened. Andre came over again for a second time. “So,” he said, “How did it happen? Did mummy pull ya’ ears off?” he smirked. Jem stared angrily after the translation at him.
“My mother’s dead,” Jem said, “And I nearly was too. If you can’t face my disability, then I don’t see how you can face your dad’s.” Andre just stared and then, to everyone’s amazement, he apologised and Jem knew he wouldn’t be back.

After Jem said goodbye to Tracy and Maddy, she started to walk home. Rick met her at the front gate. “Jem!” he signed, “How was day one?”
“Okay,” she said and went inside to her computer. She logged onto her computer as Rick came into the room, looking worried. “I’ve just had a phone call from Tracy’s parents. They said that Tracy’s in hospital and they’re asking you to come now.” He signed. “I think it’s serious.” The two got into the car and Jem explained everything to Rick about her day. Rick paused at the cancer part and quickly signed, “They also said that Tracy had depression...”

Jem stood next to Tracy’s bed with Tracy’s family and friends. Tracy looked up wearily, “I’m glad you came,” she said, and for once in the whole year, Jem could faintly hear Tracy’s words. “I don’t think I’m going to last the night,” Tracy sighed, “I’ve just given up.” She turned her head to Jem. “I’m glad I met you Jem… and Maddy, thanks for being a great friend.” Maddy and Jem both smiled and murmured their words of appreciation. Tracy leaned her head back on the pillow. She sighed again and whispered, “I will never forget any of you,” and her breathing silenced.

After a few more days of school, Jem had settled in nicely. Everyone in her class was friendly to her and even Andre had started learning sign language to communicate. Maddy was now Jem’s translator and the two were not the ‘weird’ people in the class. Although things were still not right, even when Rick picked her up that afternoon, he was silent. They pulled up at their house and went inside, Jem going over to the computer except Rick barred her way, grinning. “Come outside,” he signed. They both went into the garden and to Jem’s surprise, the ‘garden’ was a garden. The grass was green and lush, small plants and shrubs decorated the beds, vibrant paintings hung on the walls and in the centre of the garden, stood the statue of Jemima’s mum, standing proud and tall. Suddenly, Jemima rushed inside and edited her profile of “Deafly Speaking”. “Welcome to Deafly Speaking. My name is Jemima and I am deaf. I have so far lost my mother and my friend and was bullied for a time at school. I was the weird kid. This site is dedicated to all the kids with disabilities, like me… I suppose.”

I'm welcoming to any critique! What do you think...

Thankies
Choco

[ChocolateGal]

Obviously the bunnies aren't happy!

[Cheyann]

I love the story! Keep on writing! It was AWESOME!

[Lil*Angel]

Good job! it was awesome