Freedom Comes With a Price... (Wanting Critique)

[Bratterratt]

Ok, I sat down the other day, and began writing, and this is what came out, so I want to know if it's any good... Here's the first chapter, if anyone likes it, I can post the next. (Btw, the chapters are kinda short!)

Chapter 1: Predator
It was a cloudy morning. The sun was only half visible, its rays scarcely reaching the rock ledge where a lone wolf slept. Nearby, a robin fluffed her feathers and a small, brown squirrel scampered up a tree. The wolf slowly opened its eyes and the forest stood still. This creature, who was feared so greatly by the forest creatures, was Mors, the lone wolf. Mors stretched, extending his claws, then pulled himself up. The little sun there was caught on his dark, ebony coat and made more visible the outline of his ribs. With the season coming on winter, game was hard to come by. Mors sighed, then leaped from the ledge, landing silently on the forest floor, then bounded into the thick trees. He needed meat, whatever he could find. Before long, Mors smelled the strong scent of elk. Not the easiest prey, but it was possible. The wolf lowered himself closer to the forest floor, using the brush to hide his presence, and made his way silently towards the smell. Suddenly, Mors stopped. There they were, three full grown elk and a yearling buck. The yearling was grazing nearer to Mors than the others and he moved closer and closer with every minute. Then without warning, the eldest buck caught Mors’ scent. He alerted the others and they all took off. Mors burst from the brush where he was hiding, cutting off the yearling buck from the other elk. The chase began. The wolf, willed on by the thought of fresh meat, pushed the buck into the forest, where the brush was thicker. Mors was gaining on it now. He was so close; he could smell the elk’s sweat and hear its breathing become shallow and quick. It wouldn’t be long now, until Mors could make the kill. The buck headed towards an opening in the trees and burst suddenly out into the swamp. Mors pulled himself to a stop. The elk fought through the mud and water, running blindly, afraid for its life. Mors sighed and lowered himself to the ground. The elk was gone and he would have to look else where for a meal. The lone wolf rolled his tired shoulders, then leapt up and into the woods.

There it is!

Bratterratt

[lorraine]

pretty good!! to be honest though I not big on animal stories so I am not going to critique or anything.

I like your poll though, the "no writing just isn't your thing.... you should take up knitting" was pretty funny cause I write and knit too, sooo..... maybe you should do both...... they are both good for thoughts!

[Bratterratt]

Lol... thanks lorraine!

Bratterratt

[Chloe Taylor]

Look your at it again with the wolves! Great job!

[Chloe Taylor]

What are you waiting for?! Make another chapter!

[Bratterratt]

Ok, ok! Here ya are... Chapter 2 and 3...

Chapter 2: Another Loner
Nikki looked up from the river where she drank, now refreshed. She dropped onto the rocks and rolled over, basking in the sunlight, glad the day had cleared up. Nikki lay, with her golden paws in the air for several minutes until suddenly, she caught a strange scent. The female wolf rolled back over quickly, keeping her ears and eyes alert. As a lone wolf, she was careless to ever let her guard down. Nikki stayed still until she felt sure that the scent was not a threat, then rose and shook herself. Out of nowhere a sharp cry pierced the air. Nikki flinched, then moved her head and ears in the direction of the sound. This worried her, it was not something caused by nature, she could sense that. Nikki stood up straighter, determined to find the cause and took off at a lope towards the source of the sound. She ran gracefully through the forest going under low hanging branches and leaping with great agility over any obstacle that was in her way. As she grew closer to the source of the sound she could smell smoke. A forest fire, thought Nikki. But there was no heat or sound. The wolf continued to run, but slowed as she came to a place where the trees grew thin.


Chapter 3: Intruder
Mors was fatigued from the chase and was returning to the ledge where he slept, when he happened upon a small rabbit. Mors quickly lunged for his prey and within seconds, tasted blood. The rabbit was not enough to satisfy the wolf, but only took an edge off of his piercing hunger. When Mors was finished, he straightened his large body, and began to walk towards the river, not far from where he was. Mors made it to the river shortly and drank his fill of the fresh mountain water. Mors suddenly grew stiff and the hair on his back stood up. The wolf pulled back his top lip, showing his fangs, and let out a low growl. He'd caught the scent of another wolf. The smell was fairly fresh, but Mors could tell that the stranger wolf was not still there. Mors sniffed at the rocks, and was confused when he could find the scent of only one wolf. A lone wolf. Mors growled again, a lone wolf meant trouble for him. There was only room for one of them in the forest, that's how it always had been. Mors bared his teeth, then began to track the lone wolf's scent. He ran through the forest, taking his time, not wanting to loose this trail. There was something that needed to be done about this wolf. It was a threat to him, and it needed to be dealt with soon.

There ya go! Just tell me when ya guys are ready for the next chapters!

[Chloe Taylor]

Bravo! Bravo! True artwork! Have you thought about going into the theater buisness? LOL!

[Bratterratt]

Thought about it, then decided against it. lol. Here are the next two chapters...

Chapter 4: Humans
In the center of the clearing, there was a fire. But it was unlike any wild fine Nikki had ever seen. It was small, and seemed tame, staying in the same place, not devouring everything in its path. On the ground beside the strange fire, were piles of animal skins. Nikki had never seen anything like this. She crouched low and made her way silently towards the skins. Nikki kept her distance from the fire, it was something not to be trusted. She slowly approached the skins and sniffed. Nikki stepped back quickly, they where the skins of wolves. The female wolf was afraid now, she could sense that something was very wrong. A small object suddenly shot by Nikki, catching a small portion of the fur from her back. She turned quickly, confused and alarmed. There was a group of tall, strange creatures, surrounding her. They were loud and kept advancing on the lone wolf. Nikki saw an opening and took her chance. She sprang between the humans, inches from them. She ran as fast as she could towards the woods, another shot barely missing her neck. She felt like the deer she chased running blindly away from danger, not caring where she got too, as long as it was away from the strange creatures. As she ran, she leapt right into an oncoming wolf who had heard the commotion.

Chapter 5: A Bloody Night
By the time Mors saw the wolf, it was too late. They collided hard, both of them flown to the ground. Mors jumped up immediately and put himself in a threatening position. His teeth showed clearly as he growled fiercely at the lone female wolf. She stood slowly, locking her liquid blue eyes on his forest green ones. Mors growled again and she curled her upper lip, showing her white fangs as well. The two wolves began to circle, growling and giving threatening barks. Mors' fur stood on end, making himself look enormous. The female wolf extended her long, sharp claws, keeping her eyes on her opponent. Mors had had enough. He lunged at the wolf. But she was quicker than he and Mors landed back on the soft forest floor. He was angry now and growled, fiercer than ever. The female kept circling, but made the mistake of getting too close to the angry Mors. He attacked, this time hitting his target. The female fought back and though she was small, she had been eating better than Mors, making her strong. The fight was hard, and though it only lasted 10 minutes at the most, it seemed like eternity for both of the wolves. After it was all over, only one wolf stood standing. Mors quivered, then bounded, limping and bleeding, deeper into the forest. He left the female, lying and torn on the bloody forest floor...

[Chloe Taylor]

Yikes intense. But still just as great poor Nikki...