*sigh*

[Angelicious]

Life is so depressing right now. I want to lay down in bed and just sleep for days. I want so desperately to just put life on hold for a couple of weeks and put the scrambled pieces of my life back together. But every time I do, I'm reminded that life is still going on, full speed down the high way at seventy miles an hour, leaving me in the dust while I'm laying there, going nowhere at all. I used to be so ambitious and goal-oriented, which is haunting me now. I used to work so hard for something that now, because of this new and unexplainable exhaustion, I feel like I can never achieve. At the time in my life when everything should be coming together and the path before me seems like it should be becoming clearer, everything is falling apart and becoming broken beyond repair.
This is one of those things you hear about all the time in the news, from friends and family and read about it books and stories. You look at their story and see the simple solution to that person's problem which is so extremely simple in your eyes, clear and completely unclouded by that feeling of failure, that you almost can't stand it. Then, it happens to you and suddenly, you can't see anything. You can't remember what that simple solution was, nor if anyone's ever actually felt this helpless and useless before. That's how I feel at the moment. I don't know why. I just do. Life just... Doesn't seem worth the effort anymore.
And all the while, my parents continue to believe I have a firm grasp on life and that I'm going to grow up, be a successful scientist, doctor, lawyer, or some other cliché rich-person job and pay for their luxurious nursing home when they go into retirement because none of their other kids will. I've tried talking to them about it, but they're too busy with their own lives, trying to provide the money for my education, to notice. I feel like I'm failing them and they're failing me. It's one big, neverending circle of failure, each failure leading to the next in an unending chain that just can't be stopped no matter how you (or, I, I guess) look at it.
Now that we're in a brand new place in life, my once-tight circle of friends has loosened and it seems like everyone BUT me has found a newer, tighter, better group of friends. The old me would have reached out and adjusted just as quickly as they have, but this 'new' me... Just can't.
Nothing seems worth living for anymore. I don't have any reason to end it, but I don't have any reason not to, either. Indecisiveness is quite possibly the one thing I hate more than anything in this world, which makes it all that much harder. I really wish my life had an ounce of the direction it used to have. At least that way, I wouldn't feel like I was living to die like I do now.

[odinsdottir]

HUGZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ angel.... hang in there.... sometimes all we can do is endure the moments while we take a few breaths.

Life is full of expectations, ours and others, and it is the way of life that expectations rarely happen to come into reality. There is always something that changes the way we look at life, or in relationships, or we just get too tired to keep up. Mostly that is when you need to remember: your life is your own to live, to succeed or fail is a matter of perspective. One person's success would be another's failure....

Take a moment angel to see your world.... from the fragility of a snowflake to the sturdiness of a cliff face, from the simplicity of the feeling of fullness after a meal to the complexities of the flavours and smells you experienced as you ate.

Remember too, that you are not alone. Many have felt as you do, and gone on to make successes of themselves. Many have felt isolated in crowds, misunderstood by those they love best.

HUGZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZz

odinsdottir

[Galen]

Angel-

I am glad you have the forum to vent, and I hope it helps you a little. But I really think you should seek professional help. Depression is a disease, just like diabetes and cancer. There are things that can help you. You are not weak, or a failure because you are depressed. Maybe you are just sick, and you don't owe anyone an explanation or apology for being sick.

PLEASE take the time to meet with a professional. The world needs more caring people, and to lose you to such a devastating disease as depression would be such a waste.

[Requin]

I agree with Galen, going to see a professional would be a very wise thing to do. Check with your school to see if they have one on staff or know of one that works at a discounted price for the schools students. I personally know that it is very hard to overcome depression if you go at it alone. Just remember that there are others out there suffering through the same thing as you and there are people willing and wanting to help you through this time in your life.

As for your old friends, if they dont want you then let them be because they werent really your true friends if they drop you like bad cell reception. Take up a hobby and find a group centered around that hobby, its a great way to make friends with new people. But, just dont lay there. Being inactive only adds to the depression because you have time to think about how everything has gone wrong and add to the list of things that have gone wrong.

[MCM_Raine]

*wants to lay down & cry*

We've possibly lost Kat ... we can't lose another! Angel come back to us! Please!

TRUST ME, life is worth it. You just need to find your thing & work through it. & Whether or not you like it (& I didn't) professional help actually HELPS. If at all possible, do it. You'll regret it if you don't. & Everyone who knows you will too.

*sits back down & prays for Angel and Kat*

[mash]

Gah, depression is a horrid, horrid disease. I suffer from it myself. So I know what I'm talking about.

You're bound to get those days where all you want to do is stay in bed and sleep. To forget that the world actually exsists! (why should you give recognition to the world when it doesn't recognize you?) Yeah I know that feeling. But unfortunatly the world and the people in it still go on.

Even though you probably don't feel like it now...the world and the people in it really need you.

I have gone through that stage (a little too recently) when I think "would I really be missed?"

Then I think of my family, grieving at my grave, and I cry because I didn't want to cause the people I love that much hurt. But I realize, I'm still here, I can do something, I DO make a difference (no matter how small)

Please, please, please don't think morbid thoughts. Seek proffesional help. And always remember....we here at SBF are here for you.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about things. (I may or may not be of any help).

Chin up hun, walk proud and tall.

My thoughts are with you

[milon]

Promise us ALL that you won't do anything irrational.

-hugs meekly-