>.<

[Queso]

Oh Kat, I can't even express how happy I am that you just posted! We have all been so worried about you.

I'm really sorry that you feel that way about the people in your life, but please remember that behind our computer screen we're real people too. We are real people who care about what happens to you, we really do. When you are happy, it makes us happy, when you are feeling down we are here to lift you back up. Just because we can't see you doesn't make you any less important to us.

I know that you are an atheist, but I believe that there is a God out there who loves and cares about you. I'm not trying to change your beilefs or anything, but just know that in my mind someone has given you a purpose in life and would hate to see you throw that oppertunity away. Take that how you will.

I hope that you heal quickly and hopefully you will start to feel better (physically at least) very soon. *gives you a Valentines flower from your SBF family, who loves you very much*

[Des_and_Tay]

I don't care if you can take compliments or not-
I'm throwing them at you anyway.

Smile inside if it hurts too much out.
Know that people LOVE YOU for you!
Somewhere inside you you believe it, even if you think you can't find that place. You have to believe it, because you'd be an idiot to still feel as if you wen't loved or wanted after the commotion you left here

And if I have to make it any clearer than it already seems:
WE LOVE YOU

And you'd better get used to it whether you like it or not, because we're not leaving you alone any time soon.


-Des

[MCM_Raine]

[mash]

**Huge sigh of reliefe**

Please don't scare me like that again Kat, I don't think my nerves would take much more.
You have no idea how much I was willing you to come back to us. I had a strange feeling that something wasn't right. Thank the Gods that you pulled through. Please please please keep fighting Kat.

I know you're going through a pretty crappy time at the mo, and I don't pretend to understand....but, I am here (as I've said before) if you do want to chat. I wont bombard you with PM's until your feeling a little better.

Please don't give up...so many, so many want to. And even though I don't know you persdonally, I DO care.

There is so much I want to say, but I'll leave it for now.

Oh just one more thing....bad Kat lol. You SCARED me.

If I knew you better I would send a healing and protection spell your way. I don't think it would work through a computer...but I'll try

[odinsdottir]

Mash..... it is intent that matters....... so go right ahead and send that energy.... As I have been and will continue to.

Kat youre a part of the heart of this game..... so we need you whole

odinsdottir

[Des_and_Tay]

[Chilly Girl]

Gosh, I would post more here, to let you know that I care, but I am not good with words, and I usually make things worse anyway, but I am going to post anyway that we may not know what you look like or what you have done in the past, but we know that you are a caring person at heart, and I would truly miss you if you went. =(

[Trinity]

Kat, you know i'm always here for you! And no matter how much you think you havn't, you have done some good! If it weren't for you talking to me and helping me when I had nobody else, I wouldn't be here! I've been so close to slipping into nothingness and leaving this world forever and thought of you and stopped. I knew you'd never know if I did, but I couldn't do that to you after you tried so hard to help me! You know i'm always here for you! I'll do my best to listen, as you listened to me! I love you Kat and I dont wanna see anything happen to you!!!!

[ChocolateGal]

I have noticed that..... SHE'S ALIVE!!! Sorry, but i just had to say that. I'm so releived!! We love you Kat!!

[greenpen]

I want to post something that will help but i just can't. You have to want to do this for you, and you alone Kat. We (as you can probably tell) love you to bits, your beautiful art, your funny lines and just you in general. I know that sometimes virtual help isn't what you always need but we will always be here.

I know i never mentioned before but i joined this game when i had extreme depression, i felt aweful all the time and just didn't see the point of anything. But i got through it! With the working forum on here and the strange bunch of people that we are does kind of show through even over the internet! You can do this Kat, never give up! Life has a point and a purpose! You just need to find the right path again... you're going in the right direction!!! You CAN fight this and WIN! All you need is something that i needed... self-beliefe and support!

We are the support...

Now all you need is the self-beliefe...

sorry guys but i can't write here anymore because it brings back too much... i hope this helped in any way? greenpen

[milon]

Thank you. That's all I can say, I have no idea what really to say that...makes sense for the parties that don't know anything about me.

I know, I mean, I see that you're all eager and willing to help me, and I'm grateful, but that doesn't mean I'm happy and will stop being suicidal or even consider the other, more positive, aspects of life. I just...

putting it simply, even if I took a moment to sit down and contemplate all the good things that have happened to me, I can't bear the happiness. It's heavier than any bad could ever be, and this isn't because of just a few things negative or unfortunate occurring, it's just that...

I'm sure most of you have a nice family, even if you don't always agree and enjoy their presence, they are there. They love & care for you. They'll always be there for you, even if they yell and scream.

Me...eh, the only living kin that I want to accept me is my barely alive mother. But...she doesn't return the favors, after all the times I've picked her back up to steady on both feet and in return...it was a slap across the jaw.

These are the things I can think of, the things that will haunt me at the worst moments and the periods that I'm more vulnerable to myself.

Odinsdottir said to me that death is only a step into another life. I know that the intentions of that is to expel any fear of death, but...what does it feel like to die? What happens? Do you become some thing or person else? Are you reincarnated or do you decompose into the earth and become fertilizer for a great oak or the foundation under a house full of family? Or do you simply aren't any longer?

I had a dream the night before last. It was bizarre and terrifying. I was running my fingers through a man's hair, and at my feet busily chattering away were two children. At first, the atmosphere was...warm, light, lax. But then it changed. The change was abrupt and frightening. It was early morning, before the birds come sing their melody and before the sun swallows the moon. We were all in a room, the two young girls were fast asleep on a bed of silk, their dark hair flared out around their skulls. The man, whom I assume is Ed was at my side embracing me, though asleep. I was nervous, there was something outside of the closed door, the echo of feet were getting closer. The feet were a threat and I had to protect...my family. I recall getting up, looking around and trying to find an exit, but all I saw was brick and one single window. The sun was starting to filter through the lace curtains, a cold breeze wafted throughout the closed area.
I'm a bit foggy, but the dream ended where I was repeatedly getting...shot, though I managed to take the bullets aimed for my...daughters. The scene changed.
I was leaning against a wall, trying to apply pressure onto my wounds. I was clutched over, and I saw a pair of dress shoes approach me.
The rest...of the dream...I can't finish. I woke up screaming, a few nurses thought I was having a breakdown or some sort.

The dream felt more like a recollection of what happened to me last week, obviously I have no children or a mate, but the rest is relatively...accurate.

I don't...to be honest...and from what the doctors are saying, my condition is getting worse. I don't....I just...don't know. I just don't..

[PinkStar]

*puts head down on computer counter and thinks*

Kat.. Do whatever you can to live.. Do not die on us.. You had that dream because you are afraid you will die.. All I can say to help you live is

PRAY

Pray to god when you wake up, when you eat, before you go to bed.. pray! Jesus and God love you so much and even if you do not believe in them then still pray! They love everyone! I will pray for you and so will my boyfriend (hehe *giggles* ) But reallly your life is a gift.. Don't waste it! When you get out Live Your Life! Do something Wild!!

i am sorry to but this topic i may not post in again.. I hate the thought of death sorry..

[milon]

-___-

Thanks, Pinkstar. But, no thanks. I don't want your prayers.

No, the dream isn't because I'm afraid of death.

[ChocolateGal]

Kat, A solution to bad dreams is that before you go to sleep, think of all the good things, maybe loving people, pets, and genrally caring people.

It sounds like your suffering from depression and are thinking about the bad things late at night.

We love you Kat, to much to let you go. Your garduien angels are looking out for you. God is looking out for you. WE are looking out for you. We will take your bullets, your blood tests, your drinks, your food, because we love you.

We are looking out for you

Don't leave us Kat. Please believe. We are there for you...

[milon]

I don't want to sound like a real whiner and bump this up or anything, but i want to say something.

I'm sorry Sterling for ratting you out to an administrator, but badgering me on my atheism isn't what I want. I appreciate and respect all your blessings and advice and empathy, but I don't want your religion.

Please, because I respect every single person and their personal beliefs, do the same for me, alright?

As for an update, I still have no idea when I'll be released from the hospital. I've had so many blood transfusions lately x.x; I suppose because the bullet was so close to my heart that's why I'm in here for such a lengthy period of time.

I'm alright. Every time one messages me, I feel a little better. Maybe I don't respond, but the people who care enough to check up on me really make my day. I dunno, I was trying to find some reasons to be happy, at the moment Ed's childish behaviours and then some things I could have maybe lived without knowing were told to me, but then I started thinking...I know it's silly, and most don't understand the obsession, but this game, the game's community make me look forward to my spare time. Looking forward to trusting someone enough to try and explain what I feel, to uncork the pressured bottle where I hide enclosed fearing myself.

Unfortunately with all this time to myself, all this time I have to think about things....the recollections continue to whirl around my mind, enveloping my consciousness for hours at a time. My dreams progress to get more and more confusing, at times I'm running through intricately designed hallways, elaborate rooms...

Sorry, rambling on.

I just wanted to make my appreciation apparent.