BIG Personal Problem (please help!)

[.Savy.]

I think of some of you on here like family, and value and respect your opinons!
And well, I need help.. *sobs

I've been with my now BF year and 3 months, I was his first GF, the last 9 months things were great, but now things are alot different. His mom had banished me to the house (due to stupid situations, I don't want to be there anyways!! haha), and he won't stand up for himself or me. He is constantly used, but thinks its normal since it's his 'mommy'.. She is a single mother (she's nuts BTW..) she doesn't bad things, with young adults, and I have 0 respect for her as a person. (PM me if you need to know..) He also doesn't try and make any plans to see me, and we don't talk very much.. we have plans for 3 weeks from now, and I'm thinking of calling them off to save money.

Recently my Ex came into the picture.. I dated him for a year, he had alot of personal problems, and I got it taken out on me, I knew he loved me and cared alot about me, but it just wouldn't work at the time. We've been talking and catching up, and he's broken down a few times saying he's so sorry for whats happened. He is now enlisted in the army, and has had training done, and is in a good place in life. I'm very happy he got himself together.

There is nothing for me where I live now, I've had alot of rough friendships, and frankly, don't like many people around here (city for 30,000).

My Ex now lives across the country, he wants me to come there and move in with him.. I'm torn.
I want to get away, get on wiht my life, my ex makes a descent amount of cash, and says he just wants a girl to spend it with, and that he's sorry he *messed* up, and wants us to repair our old relationship..

What to do...


ps- I apologize if this is too much info for this forum, and if I should take it to me.. I'm just, really, REALLY crushed.. and I need some honest imput

[*~Trent~*]

Can you pm me the details? im curious and it helps my opinion.

Well, if you are his first girlfriend, than he probably doesnt really no what he is doing, and how sticking up for the other person is mandatory.

I believe in 2nd chances, but since you didn't stay with your ex, you probably will through again. If he abused you (it got taken out on you) then just try and stay friends. I dont think you should move across hte country and abandon this current guy.

You have invested a lot of time and money into your current bf (lets call him Phil). In marriage, you do need communication with the spouse. Since you have spent 1+ years with Phil, I assume that marriage wouldn't be out of the question (well, matters how old you are). So you should probably bring it up with him.

But make SURE you stay friendly in a nice tone. If he starts to yell or anything, just wait for him to finish, DO NOT INTERRUPT, even if he interrupts you. That way, he will be guilty in the end for being the bad guy, and flipping out when you were totally chill.

Ask to talk to him. I suggest a public place, coffee place or park perhaps. In private, people will act themselves and scream. In public, their conscious will usually kick in and keep them quiet and a bit calmer. Also, if he flips out and dumps you and throws a fit, why not humiliate him while your at it?

Make sure you tell Phil whats bugging you, otherwise, he is oblivious and will continue what he is doing.

[.Savy.]

Thats the thing, my present Bf, (Phil.. lol)

Ah, its so complicated. I've tried for the last year to set him up with a school, so he can get an education, and all of a sudden his mom said, "no, I need you here" and he throws it all away..
It's not fair.. I mean, marriage, is well, kinda out of the question, neither of us want to for quite a few years..
he does absolutly whatever his mom says, he's whipped by her, and because of her, I never see him.

We're supose to go out for dinner tonight, so I'll have to see what going on and all.. He has hardly texted me, and blames it on him, 'working on the house for his mom'.. totally not fair, I actually know what she's making him do. (PM-ing you Trent..)

[*~Trent~*]

You should tell him that he needs and education.

Talk to his mother too.

[.Savy.]

Ha.

I cannot talk to her, she is psycho, she sees me and runs away, and would ignore my calls and such. And send VERY rude messages (texts, how immature huh?!)
So I blocked her on my phone, and facebook.

[*~Trent~*]

Ask your boyfriend if you can talk to her.

haha, she fills the phsyco mother in law role perfectly

[wolfgirl159357]

hmm well i would go for the other guy, i belive in forgive and forget but with your current guy, he doesnt seem like the type that would drop evreything for you, the other guy he seems like he would. I know with my step-sister, she had that problem adn she stayed with the guy she was with adn it didnt work out and she could have told the guy she was truely in love with to stay in the county he was in and he would have, ad she knows that she would have had her dream life with him, but since he moved and he got into a car crash adn passed away.

[.Savy.]

Trent:
She said some HORRIBLE things to me, there is NO way I am talking to her without and apology.
The worst part is the guy I'm with now is fun and all, but he does something I'm really frowned upon, and his mom supports him doing it (can't mention it here, it's illegal, lets put it that way..) And yah, we have a great time, but I can't see us moving out in like 5 years or longer, and well, I want to start my life now, or within the year at least..

Wolfie:
The one I'm wiht now is supportive, but I only really ask for it. For instance I told him a lady was coming to look at my horse, and he never asked the whole day how it went.. I was kinda upset.. Like we have fun talking about cars, and get along great, but he seems kinda immature. I want someone stable that cares about me and would go out of his way for me. And at the same time I really enjoy what I have wiht my current BF.. It's tough, very! I think I'll need to really think about in the next couple months, and I'll make a decison than.. I dunno guys

[.Savy.]

Anyone else have any opinons?

[*~Trent~*]

Well, no guy can be ENTIRELY perfect, ya'know?

Well, maybe the other guy has some better qualities. nothing is wrong with wanting someone that goes out of their way for you, you really should get it. Will the other guy go out of his way for you?

But be wary, 'dogs return to their vomit' might interpret what the other guy may do..

[*~Trent~*]

Well, no guy can be ENTIRELY perfect, ya'know?

Well, maybe the other guy has some better qualities. nothing is wrong with wanting someone that goes out of their way for you, you really should get it. Will the other guy go out of his way for you?

But be wary, 'dogs return to their vomit' might interpret what the other guy may do..

[shaggydoggy]

Can you PM me the details Savy. Please?

I feel the point of having a BF, is to see who's right for you in the end. To see who guy, you are going to marry. I know that you aren't thinking about marriage now, but it's probably going to come out in the end. (Lets say you two do want marriage) How could you, with Phil's( ) mother? You can't really have a relationship with a person, if his/her mother is..difficult. it also can describe a person, and tell you what Phil might be like in the end.Most likely, you should try to talk to Mrs, Physco, and work things through.

That is, given you care about Phil. If you feel he's doing something wrong, I wouldn't nessisaraly stay with him. A lot of times that wrong thing(ex: smoking, drugs...If it's something else the I have no clue) can rub off on you.

h

[wolfgirl159357]

Ya know its really weird that you post this because right before i responded to it i had starting reading the book CHikin soup for the Teenage soul-Love adn Freindship and it seems as Phil would rather be Best friends with you rather then your boyfriend, and it seems as the other guy is ready for a steady relationship.?

[Cosmosxx]

Dump the mummy's boy asap.

I married a mummy's boy, and it ended because of her controlling him.

It may never change if he's like this now.

I say give your ex a chance, if he is in a better place, and is a changed man so to speak then who knows, it could work out. You loved each other at one time, so who says you can't get it back, but better?

I would be wary of moving across the country with no safety net though, if things don't work would you be OK?

Hope this helps.

Ps- Mummy's boys suck.

[.Savy.]

Wolfie: Haha, wow, thats pretty interested!

Cos: YAY!
I had hoped you would see this. Yes Momma's boys are, Ah, it's annoying. Like WT*, She use to love me, and said we would be great parents together (her son and I), and I think once she realized that we were ACTUALLY going to move out, she freaked, and than make up all these nasty things about me and such. I've never liked her, to be honest. But I tried to save face so my BF wouldn't get hurt or be upset, but I think he knew the whole time.
I know I'd never marry my NOW bf, maybe once his mom passes (isn't that mean.. ) But not while she is still SO active in his life and making HIS decisons, it's very frustrating, since we get along great, (besides the stuff SHE talks him into doing.. it's again, illegal). We go out together, dinner, movies, or just cuddle on the couch at home, I care about him alot..

But yes, to do with the Ex, I don't know if I'd love him again? I'm not sure.. But I figure I could go down there a month and see how it goes?