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Neko's Story, Told by a chipmunk part 3

 
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Should I countinue?
Yes
100%
 100%  [ 3 ]
no
0%
 0%  [ 0 ]
Total Votes : 3

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Sverige



Joined: 15 Jan 2009
Posts: 82

PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2009 8:14 pm    Post subject: Neko's Story, Told by a chipmunk part 3 Reply with quote

Neko had to think about the offer before he answered it. If he said yes ten they whouldn't eat him and he whould have some one to fight with. If he said no, then they might eat him or they whould tell everyone, from domestic cats to carniverous Canine, to eat him if he went that way and he might not make it with out there help. He didn't want to take his chaces. so he said yes. "Yes I'll agree." He said sitting down with his head up and boasting alittle.
"Good I was hoping you whould sa that." Said Masculin grining a toothy grin. Neko bobbed his head up and down and gulping like you see in the moves. when Luna stepped in. "Why don't we bring him and treat him like a leader for the Celabration of a great treaty?" Suggested Luna wigging her tail fast and toungh flopping everywhere like a dog getting his tummy rubbed in his favorite spot.
"Yes why don'twe?" Said Muscalin as he made them foarm a rectangle around Neko with Ball Faire Rebounir was to his left, Luna behind her in her elagents, Fleud was to his right and Muscalin in front of him. Nek looked around getting very creeped out, andI bet you whould to if coyotes where aminute ago trying to kill you and eat you where taking you somewhere you have no idea it is and you never went there your self. Soon the group came to a thorne Arch that Muscalin's shoulder brushed aganst the top. As they ended the tunnel and a wall of bushes unfolded to a bright clearing to show a very green clearing. Neko looked around at all of the green bushes and there where many holes under the bushes for the entrence of the dens that where huge. Muscalin throw his head back and let out a strong, muscular song, Fleur throw her head back with her butt went down at the same time and a song that ws like ow flowers, Fairies, Cinnamon and Love whould of sounded like, Luna throw her hea back very gracefully and the sound that came out of her throught was totally different then the sound you whould of thought whould come out, it was bright and some blueness to it and thee was also darkness and mystery and as she sang that song she could of been the next Miss America if she was human, and Ball Faire Reboundir thrw his hand up and he bounced up to her hind legs and sang with an energetic, fun and young sound as he howled


Last edited by Sverige on Sat Jan 24, 2009 8:25 pm; edited 2 times in total
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koneko



Joined: 30 Dec 2008
Posts: 1883

PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2009 8:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you so much
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Sverige



Joined: 15 Jan 2009
Posts: 82

PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2009 9:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

For what?
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koneko



Joined: 30 Dec 2008
Posts: 1883

PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2009 9:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

For writting this
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MuteAppeal



Joined: 28 Nov 2006
Posts: 488

PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2009 10:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is a good way to practice and get better, just writing constantly everyday, but it could stand to be run through a spell checker to catch as many errors as possible. If you don't have one on your computer there are free online ones like www.spellcheck.net that you can paste it into and quickly clean things up, just be careful since it might not give you the word you want in the list of correction options. It's not a bad thing that there are spelling slip ups, I do it too all the time especially when typing.

Also watch your verb tenses, some of them aren't quite right. For example:
Quote:
Muscalin throw his head back and let out a strong, muscular song

Trow should be threw to fit with the verb tenses you started the story with.

I know I'm tossing a lot at you so I'll also let you in on a secret of writing that my current lit. teacher told us that I wish I had heard back in high school when I thought the aim was to write only what the teacher expected. Take all the advice you can get, but consider where it is coming from and what your goal is for your writing. If the advice won't help you reach your goal, don't feel that you have to use it since there is no 'right' way to write.
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