}mustLETYOUgo

[milon]

Hey.

Do you guys remember me?

If you don't, I'm alive, otherwise funeral invitations would have been mailed prior. I think I stated it previously, but a lot of things plummeted down and then...figuratively, I drowned like a cat. We can't surf the water and just let ourselves slip away. Err, I did, anyway.

I lost my job, lost my house, lost a lot of support. Broke borders I swore I'd never cross, sat through lies that can't be fixed, and now, I'm just struggling to get things back together.

But, I know, that nothing will be fine again.

I've pretty much screwed over my relationship with Edward, and I wonder of him right now...my stilt of reassurance got splintered.

I have managed to pick up more mangy animals that should have died so said some people - they managed to die anyway. I was too late, though I tried so hard. Sometimes...it takes things spiraling to a certain peace to make you realize that no matter how hard you strain against the things that sin against laws, no matter how much violation you suffer and scream in agony over, and no matter how many people beat you down, you know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Even if the tunnel represents your life.

Kat hasn't returned yet, and hopefully she will.

I am still collecting AEs, still trying to gain tokens for my otter variation, and if anyone has any for sale, let me know. I'll eventually return pms and send trades.

A lot of my animals died, how sad T.T so I need to replace and breed, etc.

Sorry for my long absence, it's not over yet.

- Milo

[Cecelia]

Wow. All I can say is that now is the time when you need to lean on the Lord.I know you're an atheist but that won't stop me from praying for you.
As for the animals good for you.Someone needs to care for the weak.Atleast they knew a loving hand in their last days.


As for your statement quote " Even if the tunnel represents your life."
Please tell me that you don't mean that and just had a bad day.I remember what happened last time you started thinking that way and I don't want it to happen again.
No matter what happens remember that we devoted members of SBF would miss you so much.Please try to think clearly and not do anything irrational.

Some of my relatives have made a mess of their lives just by thinking the wrong way.Please don't make the same mistake.We DO care about you and your strays love you too.

Sorry if I made things worse I do tend to.
Llove Cecelia ~the llama lady~

P.S. If you ever want a free pair of llamas feel free to pm me.

[milon]

I've got more people praying for me than I have fingers to count them. Has it helped anything other than ease the minds of people watching with a twisted suspense? Nope.

I personally, not trying to piss people off, think the belief of the one god are for the drunks trying to sober, the sick, wounded, and old on their deathbed, the reassurance of something, whether it be true or false, is more stable than family with a false sense of hope.

I don't know what it means. The suicidal thing is a bit drab, I haven't effectively pulled it off as of yet, besides I have people I need to speak to, and when I wrote it, I wasn't necessarily thinking of an intentional, unnatural death - more like just the concept of death: whether there be another life to live or of permanent diminish of the soul.

Thanks for the concern, although from experience, I guard myself on commodities such as friends; you have to actually care about them to ensure a degree of happiness and content. I am not dependable enough to even consider engaging in that game. You'd all end up sick in the end.

As for the strays, well, I hope I was not the only kindness in their lives and they died with at least their heart patched, even if it's sloppy.

- Milo

[Tanitsja]

well if you are slowly patching things togheter, then however hopeless it seems, things are going the rigth way, and belif or no belif, hope is something of its own, the belif in yourself and that you can make it, and the belif in that one day somehow things have to rigth themself if you just cary on figthing through...loosing hope in something whatever it may be you desire is not something you should do..be it big or small, we all need hope of our dreams coming through (and normaly they do when you least expect it)

i have it nowhere near as bad as it sounds like you do, never had, but i been in places in my life i didnt like my situation for various reasons, nor do i like it overly much now, but i know bending your neck and keep walking against the wind works...i goten out of it before, and somehow someway i am going to find the solution once again to have it like i prefer it in my life

like the saying go...where there is will, there is way..so just keep on walking and i am sure you can get to where you want to be, and then it will be worth it

[SisKate]

God bless you that everything gets better. I am praying for you, Milo.


Your friend,

SisKate

[Des_and_Tay]

Have any of you ever read Stephen King? Desperation?
One thing Mister King has ingrained in my memory is this: God is Cruel.
And the truth is, he is.
Never have I felt so much compassion for someone in your predicament. For even if you are now Milo, Kat will never leave our hearts, no matter how hard you and I both try to beat her out. Remember, people change, but they have to be someone to begin with. Someone they can always revert back to.

Quote:

no matter how many people beat you down, you know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Believe me, I have been beat down too many times in my life. When hope seemed like the light at the end of the tunnel, always just out of my reach, sliding back through the abyss of sorrow I enveloped myself in.
I pitited myself, honestly. and everyone around me who would have ever cared for me or have had the unfortunate luck of having me develop any sort of caring for them.
I was miserable on the inside, but always the perfect, happy young woman on the outside. Perfect daughter, scholar, athlete, writer, rider. And I was sick of it. Of being the perfect one, of everyone being concerned about me and my starring image. i wanted to rebel, be different, stand out. But I had my freedom then, however much i misused it. But at least I was trusted, even if I didn't deserve it. The good girl wasn't so good when nobody who she felt a duty to impress was watching, examining her every move.
That's not who I really was: pretty soon, my world crumbled beneath me at the death of one of the most loved people in the world to me. Then, i didn't care about social formalities, or scholarly achievements. I did as I pleased, somehow turning a blind eye and heart alike towards the ones who were trying to keep me from falling, even as I founght through their safety net and kept falling...
It took a really hard fall to send the reality of what I was doing to myself and the ones around me crashing back into focus. And i hated it. I had to cry now; to grieve and not look so strong, tough, and unfazed as i had. I had to realize how hurt i was and how my heart was broken to such an extent; my happily oblivious and emotionless life was over. It took so long to get myself back on track. So, so ,so long. but, eventually, my tears dried up and my brittle nerves developed that bullet=proof casing I've grown a reputation for.
It's taken me a while to be able to admit all of this, and it's the first time I've been able to write this down without hating myself for it. I know, somewhere deep inside me, i am still the perfect little girl, but she's fading fast. I don't want to see myself as what I was; I only see the future and what I can do for myself. god has been a notably absent figure in my life, and I'm not about to let him become the sun in my universe. i helped myself; I cried the tears, and fixed the breaks. No one but me.
and Kat, that's what you can do, too.

[odinsdottir]

HUGZZZZZZZZZZZZ Kat

You're always Kat to me. I'm too old to call you anything else lol

odinsdottir

[milon]

Ah, finally, but I must inquire about your opinion of creationism.

Unfortunately, you're completely right. Not only have I apprehended the flesh behind the mask, but I've created the mask to be more form-fitting. Continuously hiding in feeble attempt at being lost forever.

I've never been one to be able to respond well enough for liking, so you're going to have to forgive me for not having something wise to respond with. I know I can relate, and by seeing the ample strength that escapes your words, maybe, just maybe, I can survive, too.

For me, things never got to the gaited smoothness we spoil ourselves with, it was rough from the start. There were parts that were easier to surf than others. I failed to be the role of models from anyone in my family, just the continuation of decease.

Thanks for your support Odin.

[Des_and_Tay]

Kat (realize I will never feel right calling you milo)

Happiness is like your skin. It shields you from reality and creates a barrier between the outside world and yourself.
Once broken, it takes a very long time to heal. At every touch, it breaks open again, causing the healing process to begin all over again.
At last, it may heal, but leave a scar that will never completely be the same as it was before.
A weak spot, never to be whole again.