>.<

[milon]

Again, I have to let this out...I hate to bother odinsdottir so frequently, and since all the other forums I go to involve him...I just...can't do it.

I doubt anyone has noticed, but I haven't been on here a whole lot lately. It probably doesn't matter to anyone, I'm just another person hardly contributing to this game..

I wish...I wish...I wish a lot of things: I want to be able to create something powerful and obvious..something that will portray the feelings I'm drowning under. I wish I could fake everything that i used to be able to, why is it now that i break down so easily? falling to my knees to only have someone bash in my head and refuse to help me while I've been so loyal for so long and pushed around...do they feel better now that I'm down?

I feel like a stray dog...the kind that grew up with the hard life from the start. i found my guidance and reassurance with things i shouldn't instead of being able to have it in the place it was supposed to come from.

my sand...my hourglass is empty, the life is slipping through my fingers like sand. tell me to grasp that sand and make it mine...i can't. where is my will to live? where do i find the things i need to push me through? I'm sick and tired of running from things i can't control, being blamed for his problems and her issues. my shame is for even being alive, i never did anything right.. Am I incapable of being human for once and living without ducking my head hoping I'll be overlooked? Do i have some kind of error with my system that causes things to fall down into nothing. My sand is gone, I feel so alone..

The bad things are so easy to believe.

I'm really tired of hoping that things will get better. I have no voice, and even if I did...I wouldn't know how to use it.

The liars for telling me it wouldn't hurt, the fakers for making things seem nearly perfect. Where are they now? A curse or a blessing? Why can't I find some higher power to stand with...and even if I believed, would he help me or simply wait for me to figure things out? Will I figure it out before my world ends and falls up?

I want to trust...I want to be helped. I want to help...

That one single card.. it explained everything and created so many questions. My omen of death? The card of negatives that speaks to only say I will be unfortunate and suffer some form of death. But...why? Where are the highlights? I can't erase my shadows, I can't delete him, I cant scribble out the bad ending to write a new one.

This will be my only note..

[odinsdottir]

The death card speaks only of change.... and heralds rebirth..... a signpost to the future rather than a stop sign to end all things.

HUGZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzz Kat

odinsdottir

[MCM_Raine]

Aww Kat, I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad. I wish I could help you. I will ALWAYS have an open message box. Feel free to PM me to rant/cry/chatter on and on/etc. I'll try to help when I can. I know what it feels like to feel like *bleep*

[Cowgirls Rule]

HUGS! aww...Kat, I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. If you just need to let it all out, feel free to pm me. *gives cookies*

[Sterling]

You are a beautiful writer, Kat. Absolutly beautiful.

You know you've been loyal to some, right? Just because they didn't gratify you, doesn't mean that you did the wrong thing. Think, if they didn't have you, they'd probably screw themselves over.

You ARE capable of being human. Hello? No one ever said humans were perfect, or anywhere close to it. I bet you've done some wonderful things, but have pushed them away to focus on the negitives. Bring those back! ignore what others say about you, when they're tangled in webs of choas.

Your sand isn't gone, you only belive it is because things may have gone downhill.

Please Kat, keep your will to live, turn the life card, for those who DO want you around. The one's who don't, don't matter at ALL.


"The evil overlord of darkness is behind me, isn't he?"

[Queso]

Kat, you are loved. You are a wonderful and valuble person, no matter what the world says. I'm hoping with Raine that what I'm thinking isn't what you ment.

Go and scream in a pillow, eat some ice cream, take a bubble bath and go to sleep. You'll feel better in the morning. We'll all be here for you when you wake up *hugs*

[ChocolateGal]

*offers sand that you can catch and virtual cookies*

AWWWWWW poor Kat,

Sometimes things don't go to plan and people get nasty. Ignore them and look at what the good times were. Feel free to PM me and virtually cry on my virtual shoulder. I know we have had our differences but there not going to put a friend helping another. You CAN help Kat, i know this will sound corny but you've got to beleive in yourself. Hope things are going to be alright

Chockie

[Des_and_Tay]

Kat

From what I know of you, which is so little really in the big picture, you are an amazing person.
You have a god-given talent for words. You fight for what you believe in, and represent an insanely strong community spirit. In many ways, you are the kind, levelheaded virtual glue that holds us all together.
You always have an open ear and a kind word.
Have you noticed how many compliments you've been given on the Compliment Game thead? More than most anyone else.
yet you always remain modest and rational.
People like you always get what is coming to you.
And in your case, what is coming to you I'm sure will be nothing bad in the least.




-Des

[MCM_Raine]

"This player last took an exam 4 days, 24 minutes, 11 seconds ago."

Oh Kat, please please please, COME BACK & prove all my morbid thoughts wrong.

It's not your time, that isn't the only way! (*knows from experience*) Please come back to us Kat. I know we didn't really know each other, but I won't let you do this. *tries her hardest to scream through the computer at Kat*

Sits down & prays to God that Kat is well & busy wherever she is. (& I don't pray ... ever.)

[mash]

[Des_and_Tay]

KAT.
I command you to come back immediately.
Pronto.
Now.


Please??!!?

[Silversketches]

Aww man, I hope I'm not too late.

D:
Kay, it saddens me that you think that you can't overcome your problems, because YOU CAN.

Everything will ease out. Just take a long bath, climb into bed, and wait for tomorrow, because there will be one. But that doesn't mean it'll be bad.

About the liars, the fakers, they're below you. They have nothing to do, except play a never ending act. But you're better than that, and I hope you know it. Be yourself, go and enjoy life! It only comes once. Indulge in yourself. Paint your toenails, eat chocolate, take a bubble bath whatever makes you alive.

I think I can speak for everyone when I say we're here for you, ready to listen, ready to give advice, anything. You've become part of our -big- but nonetheless - our family. You've made me laugh coountless times, brought a smile to my face, even if I've never met you. You've got so many friends here, why throw it away? Why even think about throwing it away? You've got something to live for. Love. It's what everyone lives for. Some, it's hidden deeper than others, but that's what we live for. To love, and to be loved. And your loved. Why not love in return? [To yourself, I mean.]

Hopefully this hit something, something, so that I can see you post again, see you help another person, make me laugh Kat. Make me smile. Come back.

[milon]

I'm so effing sorry.

My absence is because I've been in the hospital for nearly a week. Five days, I guess.

Several broken bones, a few fractures, a few pints of blood loss, drug overdose, etc. The doctors say I might not make it.

I can't even remember what happened, who found me, of what the day it was when I got here. The only thing I know would be the pain of it all. Doesn't help that I'm receiving no support whatsoever from the real people in life - but I'm amazed and ..happy that you guys are here for me. It's nice, even though I wish you guys were a bit...tougher on me x[

I'll keep you updated, and if I don't show up within the period of 5 days, I've probably died, kay?

I'll write out replies in a minute, just wanted to get this out of the way, let you all breathe again. For now, anyway.

[Des_and_Tay]

ohmygod kat.
im typing really bad because im shaking so bad right now.

i was akmost crying last night and im crying so hard right noew you have no idea

i love you so much more than you even know, and you have no idea how EVERYONE here has been worried sick about you.

Pull through for us, k?
weloveloveloveloveloveyou
So don't you dare die on us,alright?
be strong.


LOVE
Des

ps...If you EVER need a person to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, or a virtual cookie, I'll be there.

[milon]

D:
des, please don't cry!
zomg.
you gonna make me start the waterworks, and that's sure to make some nurses come running.

-hugs-
<3

But, no promises. I can't keep them and am not good at even making them.

Odin:
Just like Edward told me to make the sand mine, I just can't. I'd rather die by my own hand, not..

MCM_Raine:
Thanks for the support, I appreciate it. Broken glass isn't good around me, however, it would only become a tool. I'm pretty...suicidal.

Cowgirls Rule:
Thanks for the support.
-clutches cookie-

Sterling:
Thanks, I'm not much of a writer though.
As for the lack of gratifying me, it's...a bit more complicated than that. No, they are screwing themselves over already - I'm just aiding in providing a reason to scream for an hour, swing a baseball bat. Things like that.
No, human means to live. Maybe not the way you had wanted like a childhood dream, but you can live. What am I doing? I'm just here. I'm floating above indecision, under a threat and in a nightmare.
Cute comic, made me smile.

Queso:
I'm having some eating disorders, no ice cream for me. Thanks for the support, I appreciate it.

Choco:
-watches sand drain from her hands-
Thanks for your support, and sorry about our differences :\

Des:
I don't like compliments. I don't believe them because I have a low self esteem and am used to people downgrading everything I do. I'm not a real willing person when it comes to adjusting and ...anyway.
Virtual glue? Like the stuffing in an Oreo, huh?
Good. Do you really think wilting away in a hospital is good? I disagree.
Thanks for your support, and I really mean it..

Silver:
I'm not going to comment. Thanks for your support, Happy Valentine's Day. <3

Alright. I'm.. tired.