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Do u like my story |
Fantastic |
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30% |
[ 3 ] |
Yes |
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10% |
[ 1 ] |
no |
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60% |
[ 6 ] |
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Total Votes : 10 |
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ChocolateGal
Joined: 29 Jul 2007 Posts: 1868
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 7:27 pm Post subject: The Topaz Key |
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Hmmmm....... ive decided to write a story so here goes:
"What are you reading about now, Mara," her uncle said one morning, Mara looked up from her mythological creature book,
"Just the Ghost riders and the Warble Snorters, you know the one that can ride on ghosts and the things that spit venom." Her uncle Henry looked puzzled and gave her a little wooden box with inscriptions on it.
"What's this, I thought you'd have another poem," she stared quizzically at him at he silently handed her a scrap of paper and the left her nursery without a word. She looked down at the new poem:
"The stare you have stops time
The answer should be as easy a two plus two
But it is not that simple so I want to kill
Only killing my brain mentally now"
"What a strange poem," Mara said aloud. Just then the maid opened the door to bring her tea and cookies.
"Thankyou Ellie," she whispered and her uncle re-entered the room. The maid who’s name was Elizabeth was usually very talkative and was like a second mother after her parents disappeared mysteriously but today all she said before leaving the room was,
"Leave the deathly place and escape as soon as you can" she breathed through tight lips. Mara noticed Henry eyes change to a bright green colour and sent a beam of light and dissolved Ellie as she screamed as loud as she could.
"Maids should be seen and not heard, didn't you read my note," he said calmly. Suddenly Mara realised at the end of each line the words made a short sentence,
The stare you have stops time, time she quickly told herself.
The answer should be as easy as two plus two, “to,” she whispered. But it is now that simple so I want to kill, kill. She stared at the paper and breathed the last line.
“Only killing my brain mentally now” and now she scanned the paper to look at a new sentence, "Time to kill now". And now she realised that she needed the escape, right now.
End of chapter 1. Well did you like it? yes no have your say and wait for chapter 2! bye bye for now!
Last edited by ChocolateGal on Wed Jan 02, 2008 9:45 pm; edited 8 times in total |
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ChocolateGal
Joined: 29 Jul 2007 Posts: 1868
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Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 12:04 am Post subject: |
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*sigh* i new no-one likes my story |
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Leopardstorm
Joined: 05 Jan 2007 Posts: 4326
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Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 5:38 pm Post subject: |
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Just because no one posts does not mean no one likes.... |
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ChocolateGal
Joined: 29 Jul 2007 Posts: 1868
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Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 9:10 pm Post subject: |
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but it's been sitting here for a day+ and i said i need a critque
and.... there is TWO votes that doesn't like my story WWWWAAAAHAHHHHHHHH |
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ChocolateGal
Joined: 29 Jul 2007 Posts: 1868
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Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2007 12:35 am Post subject: |
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Ok i've had enough and i feel really sad so ill just post the next chapter and the leave SBF if you all feel that way about me. So here goes:
As soon as Henry left the room Mara pulled out her rucksack and loaded all of her belongings into the green and blue bag- all of her money, which wasn’t a lot because Henry always paid with his own money, her clothes, her collections of bits and pieces, her mythological books, the strange box and lastly her picture of Mara and her parents before the disappeared.
She was very young when her parents vanished and her uncle rescued her. Mara never knew properly her aunt because she vanished the same time as her parents did.
She climbed out the window onto the rope ladder she fastened a long time ago. With her rucksack swung recklessly over her shoulder she climbed down the two-story building and jumped to the ground. Her bag fell loosely of her shoulder and fell to the ground with a sharp crack.
Mara hastily picked up the bag to check if anything was broken and was horrified to find the photo of Mara’s parents broken and a small scrap of paper emerge behind it and the strange box click so Mara was sure it would open. Just then a stunning light filled the dark bag so it shone upon Mara face. A topaz key with five small gemstones, emerald, sapphire, ruby, amethyst and opal imbedded in the key sat in the velvet blue interior of the case. Mara threw down the box and picked up the tiny scrap of paper that came out of the photo, it said:
When you find the topaz key
You know what to do
Love from your mother and father
right that's seems to be it so have a nice life SBF's and i hope to never come back again. Ill be on until tomorrow MY TIME |
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ChocolateGal
Joined: 29 Jul 2007 Posts: 1868
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Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2007 12:39 am Post subject: |
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Ohh what the heck i'll give you the next chapter that i've written:
Chapter 3
Mara didn’t know where she was running to, but she was running away from the wretched house and was never coming back.
Mara was leaving the house where she stayed 10 out of her 13 years alive. The two-story block was were she would run up and down the hallways, playing in the fields with all the woodland animals, abseiling down the wall of the house with her rope ladder and spending hours talking to the lower subjects of the house, like the cooks, servants and maids.
She looked back at the old house with mixed feelings of pleasure, pain, reject and distaste. Suddenly strange shadows fleeted across the wall but Mara was relieved to see it was just the woodland animals fleeting towards her to see what was going on. Abruptly a gust of wind blew strongly sweeping Mara’s long, brown hair out in the frozen airstream. A faint yelp sounded in Mara’s mind. A shriek coming from a child filled her thoughts. Then it was all black
* * *
Mara awoke to her woodland friends crowded around her. She sat up slowly and looked around her. Mara’s bag was gone. A faint chirping sound came from behind her and she found a bunch of robins swarming around her bag slightly vibrating and making a small buzzing noise.
Mara crawled to the bag and opened it without a sound. The key leaped out of it’s case and settled on Mara’s hand. Mara’s gave a muffled cry and dropped the key. But slowly but surely the topaz key rose up and nestled back in Mara’s hand. All of a sudden a voice sounded from the now vibrating key again. “Walk to the town nearest and go to the science museum, there you will be met by Elaine Walker. Talk to her and ask her for you to meet Alexandra Alterka. Then talk to her to learn about the key. Now you have a journey of many journeys. Go! Make haste!”
Mara sat star struck and stood up wobbly to walk in a direction her legs would take her. She swung her backpack over her shoulder and called the animals. They ran towards her and the birds settled over her body. It would be a strange sight to see a young girl covered in birds followed by foxes, hares, mice, squirrels and fur balls that could not be described. But this girl was Mara and some of her only true friends that were walking into the sunset.
Bye
SBF i may just keep on posting the rest of the story but probably not
THIS IS NOT THE END OF THE STORY |
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PinkStar
Joined: 23 Nov 2007 Posts: 889
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Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2007 9:30 am Post subject: |
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ChocolateGal wrote: | *sigh* i new no-one likes my story |
No ne posts to mine and I work hard on them so dont whine |
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ChocolateGal
Joined: 29 Jul 2007 Posts: 1868
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Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2007 6:31 pm Post subject: |
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oh look who is talking. You've been telling greenpen to stop harrassing you when she's trying to help you. And THEN you whine and whine about how woeful you are and how everyone has turned against you. We'll they HAVN'T so leave IT ALONE!! |
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PinkStar
Joined: 23 Nov 2007 Posts: 889
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Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2007 7:09 pm Post subject: |
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What are you talking about?? I dont think anything is true after greenpen i know that and she is I dropped out a LONG time ago throgh pm and she still wants the animal... She was going on VP and on canine kennels and my inbox is full of messages from her and you acctully really hurt me I was coming back in here to ask why your poem is called Bye SBF because I did not want you to leave and right now I just am upset.. |
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Sterling
Joined: 14 Aug 2007 Posts: 2790
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Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 8:28 am Post subject: |
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HEY! Both of you need to streighten up and quit it with the nonsence!
Quote: | oh look who is talking. You've been telling greenpen to stop harrassing you when she's trying to help you. And THEN you whine and whine about how woeful you are and how everyone has turned against you. We'll they HAVN'T so leave IT ALONE!! |
ChocolateGal: Don't you take PinkStar's words and twist them into foolish words! She ment well, symthisizing with you. Your words are hypocritial and rude. "Oh look who's talking.." Maybe you, too should fix up your additude. "And THEN you whine and whine about how woeful you are and how everyone has turned against you. We'll they HAVN'T so leave IT ALONE!" Notice you say they which includes you. You obviously have turned against her. Making it look like your partially yelling at her, doesn't make you guys look like friends.
Quote: | What are you talking about?? I dont think anything is true after greenpen i know that and she is I dropped out a LONG time ago throgh pm and she still wants the animal... She was going on VP and on canine kennels and my inbox is full of messages from her and you acctully really hurt me I was coming back in here to ask why your poem is called Bye SBF because I did not want you to leave and right now I just am upset.. |
PinkStar, calm down. Thank you for saying your upset but don't post things when your upset, it brings too much drama to SBF. And obviously, we don't need it.
*I don't mean to offend either of you or play 'I like someone better' in this post* |
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PinkStar
Joined: 23 Nov 2007 Posts: 889
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Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 8:38 am Post subject: |
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sterling, You are just the best. Keep solving problems.
Chocolategal- I really did not know what you are talking about and also instead of coming back and saying you were going to leave because you did this in Chicken Chatter to, I dont want you to but if you are Just do it, like bezella! She said she was and she did |
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Sterling
Joined: 14 Aug 2007 Posts: 2790
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Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 7:04 pm Post subject: |
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PinkStar wrote: | sterling, You are just the best. Keep solving problems. |
Thanks so much!! |
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ChocolateGal
Joined: 29 Jul 2007 Posts: 1868
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Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 7:13 pm Post subject: |
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fine then bye SBF that did offend me
PS. Place a bid on a ragdoll baby Pinke
PSS. You Spelt straighten wrong (strAighten) and you don't know how to take peoples feelings well Sterling. I had to quickly write whatever came into my head or i wouldn't be allowed internet acess ever AGAIN. So it wasn't ment to offened Pinke but just tell her how she somtimes put a bit to much effort into things.
I haven't liked writing this at all and tears and sreaming down my face at the moment. Latly every word i've got from everyone is critisim. If feel very hurt that people don't like my story and haven't told me why they don't like it. So goodbye |
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PinkStar
Joined: 23 Nov 2007 Posts: 889
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Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 7:30 pm Post subject: |
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ARG!! I AM SO MEAN AND STUPID ARG!!!!!!!!!!!! *cries* IT IS ALL MY FAULT!!! |
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ChocolateGal
Joined: 29 Jul 2007 Posts: 1868
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Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 7:39 pm Post subject: |
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Pinke you're not nasty and mean and it's not your fault. People have given me nasty critisim and hurting my feelings. I feel alone and sad the only friends i can talk ot are you, Vitani, Chef33, odin and the ops (but i'm frightened that they might ban me). I came on SBF to have a bit of fun and relax but all i get is people being rude. It's my fault Pinke not yours |
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